Thank You Forgetful Girl and I LoveThe Queen Mary

I am not a good camper. For those who know me, this comes as no great shock.  I enjoyed camping as a small child clueless, as children often are, of the back breaking work involved.  Mother took care of everything, and the experience was consistent and comforting.  I watched my mother start packing vital food stores.  Hershey bars, marshmallows and graham crackers, among the most important, at least three weeks ahead of the annual trip.  As she finished filling each box or bag, it would go neatly in the entry hall, ready to go where the fun was.  She even had a special camping purse, with a first aid book published who knows when and a wonderful camping dress or two, one pale yellow and one mint green, packed away after each annual jaunt, to be taken out a year later for the next adventure.  (Mother never wore pants,)  She also had canvas Keds for the sole purpose of camping.  They were never worn at any other time, only camping.  It can't go without saying, wearing them even to the grocery store would be wholly inappropriate.  (Far too casual.)  I even have the enamel wash basin that washed both the dishes and me.  I hated to be dirty.  All that was expected from me was to have the time of my life.  Mom took care of the rest.

I tried camping once with my small children.  Packed it in after one night.  That was the end of that.  After that fiasco I was in eternal awe of my mother, and Denise Jones.  (shout out Denise if you ever happen to discover this obscure little blog.)

What, you ask, does any of this have to do with  Forgetful Girl and the Queen Mary?  Keep your panties on, I'm getting there.

The Queen Mary, as my enduring husband has dubbed her, is the fifth wheel camping trailer I am camping in at this moment, WI FI provided by the "camp ground".  He says it is the longest trailer in the entire world, and he hates hates hates, towing it.  But the love, that he is, does it for me.  I have a king size bed where ever I go fit for a queen.  (Satin trimmed blankets a necessary comfort.)

Forgetful Girl is my oldest daughter who is more scattered brained than I am.  (almost)  She forgets everything, loses everything, leaves Christmas gifts unused and at my house for years at a time.  Never ever has enough wipes or Desitin for my darling grand daughter Margaret ZuZu.  Yes ZuZu is her middle name.  Named after George Bailey's daughter in It's a Wonderful Life.  The reason being;  George finds ZuZu's crushed flower petals in his pocket, a reminder that no matter what trials or hard ships faced, family is what is worth living for.

So what do these two things have in common?  I'm getting to it.  Again, if you know me, the fact that I generally make short stories long rather than long stories short also comes as no great shock.

Two years ago we all took a trip in the "Queen Mary".  Knowing that FG (Forgetful Girl) gets that mad skill (forgetting) from me, I packed brand new baby outfits, burp cloths (never ever had one in the diaper bag) and of course wipes and the ever absent Desitin.  We were set.

Embarrassing as it is to admit, that was the last time we cruised the "Queen Mary".  As I explained earlier, Hubby hates to tow it.

Well here we are cruising the ocean of highway to my son's horse competition.  Darling hubby captaining the ship.

We arrive at the dock, get Her Majesty set up.  Push outs pushed out , bed made (satin trimmed blanket in place.  (crucial) . I take a satisfied look around my cruise ship on wheels, (not bragging, simply mocking my admittedly ridiculous requirements) and there it is, everything I had packed for Margaret, still brand new, still packed, in the middle of the trailer floor, forgotten.

A natural first thought might be one of exasperation over money wasted on brand new out grown items.  Again, those who know me are not shocked to here wasted money almost never enters my mind.  All money is to me are lovely sheets of green paper, or a truly spectacular array of designs one can choose to put on a shiny plastic card.  The bank just gives them out!  Hard to believe, I know, but it is the absolute truth.  (We can talk about financial consequences later. This is a happy post.)

Since none of the above entered my mind, I went through the basket full of tiny baby treasures.  Breathed it all in, and relived a moment.  Not a common occurrence.  Luckily I have FG and she had generously given the moment back.  That trip little Margaret belonged only to me.  We stayed, played and cuddled together on board our luxury liner, while everyone else went out to have "fun".  I smelled her new baby perfume,  better than any bottle of Chanel No. 5, and cooed her new baby coos.  Just Gammie and ZuZu.

Little tiny, nearly newborn,  Margaret ZuZu and Gammie were the ones having fun.  I got to relive it tonight.  Thank you my dear Forgetful Girl.

Until next time...

In Search of our Noble Ancestors...".You Gotta Hear This!!! " or, " Now I Know Why My Family is Nuts"

My kids are getting tired of my new interest, and yes, it can be difficult to endure stories about this granny or that granny, and do you realize that you are #3,598,679,100 in line for the British Monarchy!!!  I can't believe our last name isn't Windsor.  Just imagine we're royals. (almost).

There are many reasons to research ancestry.  In some cases the reasons are religious.  In other cases it is wanting to know where you come from.  How many nationalities are in your tree.  Solve burning family mysteries.  Simple curiosity.  Find that ultra rich ancestor and curse him for leaving all of the "family" fortune to that good for nothing son who squandered it all away three hundred years ago.  Now there is none left to go around.  Do you know how rich a person could be right now?  I know I would be doing so well that I would be stealing $2500.00 one of a kind necklaces and have the paparazzi all over me.  Oh what I've missed!

If anyone out there thinks like I do, (heaven forbid), it is assumed that everyone who came before lived in a sparkling rose colored snow globe world, where nothing went wrong and Mr. and Mrs. Charming lived happily ever after.  Luckily,the truth is sooo much more interesting.

While friends share heroic stories of ocean crossings where Grandpa MacStrongly literally carried the crippled ship on his shoulders, kicking madly, while his dutiful wife hollowed out the center of three ores, connecting  one atop the other,  then, with sheer will and her petite, but busty frame, held the super snorkel steady, in raging waters, so, her hero, her knight in shining Armour, could breath until all reached the shore and safety.

Admit it, most of us have one of those "tales" in our background.  Not me, every time I think I have found the family hero, a slight wrinkle appears.  For example:   the story of, "Our Family's Very Own Fighter for Religious Freedom"

It begins with a well respected family, coming to America, settling in the earliest of the glorious colonies that began this great nation of ours.  The father, I believe his name to be James, signed the Mayflower Compact.  He had a son named John, who at first glance seems to be "Our Very Own Fighter for Religious Freedom." aka OVOFFRF.  His fight was with the established church and unjust Sabbath Day laws if one were to believe differently.  He even spent the last third of his life, after forming his own religious sect, fighting for the cause.  At last our hero appears.  Oh yeah!  The wrinkle.

A historian writes, "The Rogerenes were a sort of Quaker, who had their origin and name from one John Rogers of New London."  I guarantee the Quakers didn't claim him or them.  "He was a man of unbounded ambition and wished to be something more than the common man...to gratify his pride."  Now, as a wise man once said, "heeres theee rest of the story".

Clearly below we will see why the wonderful Quaker faith might take umbrage at the comparison.

OVOFFRF methods of "bringing down The Man", so to speak, would be on the controversial side today.

I'll just make a list.

1. Goes to church naked.  Since OVOFFRF and his Rogerenes observed a Saturday sabbath they would enter public assemblies on "The Lord's day" "nearly or quite naked...behaving in wild tumultuous ways, crying out and charging the most venerable of ministers with lies and false doctrines."  Oh my!

2.  Disturbing the peace.  "...tuned their pipes and screamed, roared, shouted and stamped."

3.  Wife something?  When OVOFFRF's wife had had enough she was granted a divorce, then married a very nice gentleman.  Her ex didn't get it.  He tried to kidnap her from the bed of her new beloved.

4.  Oh yeah, he burned down a church.

5.  Finally, he was immune to all disease.  He went to Boston during a smallpox epidemic, sat by the afflicted and announced he was safe from the disease.  Triumphant he returned home and a few days later dies of smallpox.  Happily we end the story of OVOFFRF.  There is just one more tiny wrinkle; when he gets home from Boston he exposes his daughter-in-law and his grandson, and takes them with him.

As mentioned above, there are many reasons to research your ancestors.  I decided with this little family blotch, I uncovered a great family mystery.  "Now I Know Why My Family is Nuts"

Until next time...

Embrace "It". Okay I Will, But I Don't Want to. I Hate Roller Coasters.

So I suppose, that possibly, I was in a "mood" the last time I wrote to whoever is, or is not, out there reading.  I may have sounded just a tad cynical.  I am sometimes sad. Sometimes discouraged. Sometimes I want to quit.   Quit what, I'm not sure.  But generally, I am not cynical.

Quitters are usually looked upon in a negative light.  Perhaps, quitting is good, depending on what the quitter wants to quit.  When one is on a roller coaster it is impossible to make it go in the opposite direction unless you are the ride operator. So, when we get on we throw our hands in the air and yield to the will of the "Operator."  We are frightened at first, or maybe the entire ride, but when we get off, we are glad we did it.  We are glad we ultimately got on, no matter how scary the ride.  When we disembark there is a sense of accomplishment.  We did it.  We let go of control and yielded to the will of the ride.

I read something this morning, from a letter, some one special wrote to me many years ago.  "Your life will be one of joy and success as a result of your devoting yourself to the things that are more lasting and important than those of mortality."

So, I guess, I'm saying that life is a roller coaster and God is the operator?  Where the heck did that come from?

It is difficult, but I will try to quit making the roller coaster go backward.  Birth, school, marriage, children, aging, gaining weight, losing weight, illness, heartache, loss, indescribable joy, love, sadness, happiness.  All are part of this "Roller Coaster" of an earth life we live, and if we will yield to the will of our Heavenly Father who loves us unconditionally, and individually, it will be easier to embrace "It", no matter where "it" is we are in our lives.

Until next time...

Hot Flash, Weight Gain, Oh Joy, I Have Been Planning For This Day Since I Was a Little Girl.

I am turning forty-nine this year.  I don't imagine people assume I am lying, as they do when one says twenty-nine is the new number, unless perhaps, forty-nine is the new twenty-nine. Maybe we could start a campaign.  One bright spot; when I told the doctor my age, he was surprised.  He would have guessed younger.  I told him that would be the fat filling in all the wrinkles.  No Botox for me!  This almost wrinkle free face is all mine, but so is the rather, shall we say, Reubenesque rear end.  I would love to think that last line was funny, but somehow I don't.

If you are under forty and reading this, feel free to laugh, but believe me, it won't be the last laugh.  I will save that for myself when you turn forty-nine.

It is a curious trick nature plays on the poor unsuspecting woman.  We see our grandmothers when we are small.  They are women that, shall we say, may or may not have aged gracefully.  We watch our mothers age as we enter our prime that is, without question, eternally ours. We scoff at the possibility that could be us someday.  We grow up blissfully, counting the days until our first date, our first kiss, the fairy tale love that comes with the most beautiful, all important, white princess gown on a day that belongs to us alone, and I suppose the groom.  Finally, the practically perfect, lovely and intelligent, babies that we and our prince charming will make.

 
And they lived happily ever after.  Refer to picture perfect bride and groom at the top of the blog.

How can it be that we think time stops with the practically perfect intelligent babies?  Sure those older women admire our babies in their practically perfect prams and tell us, "Enjoy this now,  it goes by in the blink of an eye."  At best we are polite and humor this foreign species of woman, with an, "I am so sorry you are old." smile.  Why is it we didn't believe them?

I believe them now.  I believed them when, what seemed like the very next day, I was on the receiving end of one of those "I am so sorry you are old." smiles.

When in the hell did this happen?  I don't remember getting "older".  I feel the same on the inside, I just don't look quite the same on the outside.

Just know, that when we "older women" tell you, "Enjoy this now, blah blah blah."  It will come as a complete surprise to you, as well, when that day comes, and it will, during your eternal prime and we, old women by then, can say, "I told you so."


Until next time...

Do Angels Have Wings Here, There, or Anywhere?

Do you think angels have wings? I don't. But, in considering angels and wings, I realized that they give us wings, if we let them. ...And how they make us soar.

In my very first entry I wrote about looking backwards. I am definitely looking forward now. Looking beyond the here, now and back then.  Perhaps the reversal in view is due to feeling more mortal as I get older. Whatever the reason, I am grateful for new perspective.

Supposing for a moment that angels don't have wings; what or who are angels? I believe it is a job given to people just like us. It could be before we arrive here, while we are here, or after we leave. I can't speak of before I was "here". I don't remember it.  Experience tells me, angels minister over all of us that are "here", and the angel could be from "here" or "there".  Huh?

Angel #1: Debbie, a vibrant, funny, happy, crazy little girl. We played constantly from the second grade, until I moved away when I was eleven.  After that we visited each other two or three times a year and were brides maids in each others weddings.

Debbie had Cystic Fibrosis. While an adult might shy away from asking uncomfortable questions, children do not. I remember asking Debbie if she was afraid of dying. She wasn't. She always went through life with a happy hopeful attitude. Hopeful to the point that she married and had beautiful baby boy. Something Doctors thought impossible.

When her little guy was two my dear friend passed away.  We were both 25.  I tried to see her her before she was gone, but I was unable to. The call came before I could finish packing.  I wanted to say good bye.

Several months later I attended a church service in a very special place. By coincidence (I don't think so) her favorite aunt was also in attendance.  We had not laid eyes on each other since I was a little girl.  After the service was over, I found her and told her I was "Kimmy", Debbie's friend. She knew me instantly.  While we talked for a time, we realized neither one of us had said goodbye.   I know, with the Lord's help, Debbie brought us together in that sacred place so we could both say our good bye's. From that moment on, I knew without a doubt that there is much more for us after we are finished with mortality.  I also new that Heavenly Father loves me and knows each one of us individually.  He has to.  He gave such personal comfort in a world full of infinitely more significant problems.  He allowed a small good bye to take place for just two, of his multitudes of daughters,  in such a beautiful way.  Debbie is an angel "there".

Angel #2: Margaret is my mother in law. I say this even though she has passed, because I know she is still watching over my husband. Margaret was ill all of my husbands life. She was so ill that he never knew if she would be at home or the hospital when he would return from school. As a teenager he tended to surgical wounds, told his mother every detail of his life, and strove never to do anything that would break her heart. He did not take his mother for granted. He knew her time here was uncertain.

Margaret always said that she picked her trials here on earth. She was grateful that the trials she faced involved only her health.  Because of the trials she chose she felt blessed that she was spared the pain of wayward children.  She was the luckiest woman on the earth. No matter how ill she was she was always happy.  My mother in law was an angel "here".   Because of her trials, my husband became the man he is. She taught him patience, compassion, and never to take his loved ones for granted. And that, he has never done. I married a great man and he is a great man because of the angel that raised him.

Angel #3: My mother taught me to have compassion, empathy, and charity (the pure love of Christ) while I was a child.  She taught me to understand peoples weaknesses; whether physical, mental or spiritual.  Being able to teach a child those principles, by anyone's definition, should make her an angel "here".  For me, she is an angel "there".  I feel her hold me up through the darkness, because she has been there.  She comforts me from the light, because she is there.  She is the woman I always knew, as I was looking backward.

Until next time.

Suzie and Zuzu and The Full Circle

Well, it certainly has been a while! I have really missed writing to anyone or no one or whoever is interested or disinterested in what I have to say. As I have said before, I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is not a religious blog and my intent in writing is in no way meant to sway anyone to what I personally believe. However, it is important to know how I get my perspective on life, death or whatever else may fortunately or unfortunately come my way, and since my thoughts are on birth and death right now, it is hard to keep spiritual beliefs at bay. That having been said, doesn't every one's spiritual beliefs or lack thereof make up every perspective on birth, death and whatever? Being a woman also brings a different perspective, and adding motherhood to that still another.

I tell you once again these are my thoughts only and in this entry they come from my faith, being a woman and motherhood.

Hello to Margaret Zuzu Bingham who just happens to be the most beautiful child ever born (Until the next grandchild that is mine comes along). For anyone who knows a new grandma, or has been one, all we do is brag, bore and brag to anyone who is too polite to walk away. Being a new member of the Grandma club, I truly believe that every person I run into actually cares and wants to hear endless talk about Zuzu and how truly remarkable, intelligent, aware, already walking, talking, reading, singing and playing the piano she is. All of this and she will be just six weeks tomorrow!!!

Zuzu arrived noonish on February 9, 2009 healthy and truly happy. All bias aside, she is probably the most contented baby I have ever encountered. Delivery went quickly and Megan and Riley were kind enough to let me be there when she arrived. Never mind the fact that I have given birth four times, this time was the first time I truly witnessed the miracle. It was a wonderful experience and I am over the moon. Zuzu is cuddly, loving and aware. It feels like she can look right into you. There is something serious and contemplative in her and as any proud Grandmother would, I am awaiting great things from her.

Goodbye to Susan Arlene Terry. Suzie is my sister in law. I say "is" because I know she is still very much with us even though she passed away Saturday, March 14, 2009. I say "know" because of my faith. Many may think I just believe but this is not the case. I know.

I know Suzie a little better than I know Zuzu simply because I have been here with her longer. I don't presume to know Suzie as well as her husband, children, brothers or sisters know her, but what I do know is that if any one person can define fire cracker, it would be Suzie. She is a force to be reckoned with. If anyone can get something accomplished it is Suzie. She fiercely loves her family, has a happy outlook and a great sense of humor. She taught me to laugh at myself and find humor in any situation. My mother in law is much the same way. Again I say "is" not "was".

As I watched little Zuzu arrive, I knew she was leaving a loving home to come and reacquaint herself with people she already knew. She and all of us existed before we came here. We all came from a loving Heavenly Father and left people who love us to embark on this great adventure called mortality. I think that we were all a little apprehensive or nervous, but excited never the less, to take the next step in our eternal progression and experience life here on Earth. I assume that we were a little sad to leave loved ones behind that may or may not have had their turn on Earth yet. Some loved ones may have said goodbye knowing what was coming our way having already experienced it, and others may have said goodbye anxious to join us and start their wonderful new adventure. It is exactly the same when we exit this life. We leave loving arms and return to loving arms.

I don't believe in death. Yes, we leave a shell behind temporarily, but we go on. We progress. There is still much to accomplish, much to do and much to learn. We are in no way finished with life. We have an eternity left to live, love, experience and accomplish. I prefer to think of death as another birth. Suzie left people who love her and is getting reacquainted with loved ones she had been missing from her time here and from before she got here. She will be sending loved ones off to come here just as her family sent her off. Life truly is a circle, (I know, I know, how cliche!) but instead of birth to death I know it is really birth to birth.

In some ways being a mother makes this easier to understand. Life is a lot like pregnancy. When you are first pregnant, the thought of giving birth is daunting. No one wants to do it. We love the outcome, but we just aren't sure we can make it through labor. It is hard and it is scary, but by the time the ninth month rolls around we are ready for the next step. I haven't heard of one mother who wouldn't do anything to get that baby out. I think life is the same way. When we first get here there is so much to experience, do and learn. Hopefully, we have people who love us and people to love. We never want to leave, and thinking about leaving is more than we can bare, but when Heavenly Father is ready for us to come back home he gives us a gift. He gives us peace, and when the time comes we go. We are ready. The loved ones we leave behind may not be ready for us to go, but the people waiting for us to arrive are so happy to see us.
There is so much to experience, do and learn. If those left behind desire comfort, comfort is there to be had. It will be given by those who love us here and those who love us there. We just need ask, and in the Lords time it will come.

Until next time.....

The Joy Is In The Journey...(I know, because the destination is a complete mystery!)

One of my family's favorite movies is Joe Vs. the Volcano with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. We were pretty sure the reason it was a flop was because people just weren't as intelligent as we were. (That's a joke.) I really do feel, though, that it is a great allegory on life. Forgive me, but, it is such an old movie, I don't feel bad giving the end away. Naturally, Joe and Meg's character (sorry I don't remember her character's name) fall in love. Joe, set to be sacrificed to the gods, readies himself for his big jump into the volcano. Meg wants to marry him before he jumps. The two have a quickie wedding and the loving wife she is, decides to take the leap with him. With eyes closed they jump in and low an behold the volcano spits them out into the ocean, the island sinks into the sea and Joe's seemingly indestructible travel trunks pot up to save the day. Joe and his true love get them hooked together and climb aboard. As they snuggle on the trusty luggage, (it must be Louis Vuitton) Meg can't believe how lucky they are, and admires the luster of the full moon. Joe, the more pessimistic of the two, points out that while the moon is lovely and it was indeed fortunate that the luggage appeared they were, after all, stranded in the middle of the ocean. Meg, the more optimistic, simply said, "It's always going to be something with you, isn't it Joe."

The best way I know to start something is to jump right in. Motherhood is probably the best example. Once you are in, there is no way out. You can't be a little pregnant. You either are or you're not. The wedding day is definitely a leap into the unknown. As a woman, marriage and children tend to come fairly naturally. Both are difficult, exasperating, rewarding, wonderful and worth every minute of heartache and joy they bring, and as women we, or I anyway, anticipate both marriage and children being in our lives.

Other leaps into the unknown may not come as naturally. As a mother it is very easy to become lost in our children. I know for myself, motherhood was a great excuse to become lost. Don't get me wrong, nothing and I mean nothing means more to me than my children, husband or my immanent grand daughter Maggie. What I am trying to say is the nurturing, while it is the most important thing I do, it is not the only thing I can do. Lucky for me, Dewey (my husband) knew this before I did. He helped me jump.

As Megan, my eldest daughter, and I were in the midst of planning her wedding Dewey drove me to a little adobe house for lease. He thought it would make the perfect little gallery and gift shop for me. As my kids were getting older and flying the coup he wisely realized something of my own would be good for me, and he had confidence I could succeed. Had he realized the the tiny snowball that he started a'rollin down that adorable bunny slope was actually going to make it's way down Mount Everest, he may have thought at least twice before leasing the space for me. What Dewey envisioned as a nice little place for me to paint and sell the occasional print or trinket turned into much more than he or I ever bargained for, but he has supported me the whole way. (So far anyway. I don't expect him to quit supporting me, but I am far from the final destination and I can only suppose he will continue. That's not really true, after twenty five years, I know he will.) Dewey's mistake was thinking that the little vanity project he surprised me with would stay little. He knows small isn't my thing, but he always holds out hope. When I start something it becomes completely overwhelming and all consuming and that is what this jump into the volcano has become, but in a good way.

Kaleidoscope Eclectic Boutique was conceived in July of 2006. It was born March 31, 2007 when we opened our doors, not in the little adobe house but, in a high end outdoor shopping center in Utah Valley. What began as a little independent gallery turned into a women's boutique that specializes in independent designer fashion, handbags, shoes, jewelry, my paintings and my husband's photography. Considering I had no idea what I was doing, the first year went great. The second year, not so. The economic downturn hasn't been kind to retail. Especially in Utah County where Kaleidoscope is. I am not going to let this get me down though. I have decided to look at Kaleidoscope like raising another child, or making a marriage work. Both have good and not so good fazes. Kaleidoscope is just in a not so good one for the moment.

So what to do? Close? Give up? No. KEEP GOING!!! After doing all kinds of research, blindly I might add, Kaleidoscope is growing up. We are designing our own dress line, creating a great interactive community website and are re branding. I have found the help I need to do all of it. All I had to do was keep at it. Is it done yet? No. Will it get done? I hope so. I am confident that it will. Do I know for certain sure? No. Does that matter? No. Have I ever designed dresses before? No. Did Chanel know how to sew? No. did she go to design school? No. Did she change the entire world of couture fashion? Yes. Does she have anything I don't have? Absolutely not!!!

Just jump. Start the journey. Change course along the way if need be, but keep going. Enjoy the ride, stamp your passport along the way, and where ever the journey ends, if you did your best and stayed true to yourself and your values, your final destination will be beautiful. Lessons will be learned, opportunities taken, and glorious unimaginable things accomplished. Whether you succeed or fail, take the leap, don't look back. Live. You can do it.

That's all until...